December 7, 2023

10:35am

Okay I was a little dramatic on the fourth I wont lie. Things are okay, I can

Nsfw (hover)

I wish it wasn't so important to seemingly everything. I don't think I'm scared of responsibilities, though maybe I am, but it shouldn't feel like a responsibility, and it doesn't when I feel like I'm ready and it's natural but I so rarely, lately, find myself in the mood for it. I think I'm just too busy, maybe? I don't know. I talekd to my therapist about it and she thinks its not just me, but it feels like it's a me problem.
I am looking forward to Christmas! I cried a little this morning just thinking about old Christmases and how my family in Ohio used to all gather. I miss them, and I miss that, and though I love living here, sometimes I yearn for that home, or maybe something else. Am I just never satisfied? I think I long to change myself to change my circumstances and my future. I would love to feel less worthless.
I watched Santa Claus is Coming to Town with my friend and make cookies yesterday. It was so fun, I'm glad we had the chance to do it.