December 14, 2023

6:13pm

Ok I lowkey knew it wouldn't be 9:35 pm but part of me was like WHAT IF?! I am drunk! I am trying to make minimal typos because I think it's really embarassing and cringe when someone is drunk and makes tons of typos. I don't care if it's on accident, don't tell me you can't see that you're typing in a fucked up whay. I actually might not give a fuck. I feel like writing right now and writing I will do@! I have dick lips SO stuck in my head ight now its crazy I can't even. I love listening to 90s/early 2000s pop punk/punk rock you know it's sut thegenere made for me. I love it. The drink I had is called fearless and then i opened a beer but idk why i did that. I'm having a goofy silly time!
Ok lets get serious.
Not actually, but I was wondering if I could get more real in these things. I think I've realized that I just let myself forget things so easily because I smoke so much and I don't hold onto information. I should! But I don't. And it's embarassing and I hate it. I feel like maybe I'd have a deeper understnading of the issues plauging me if i I could sit with them for two fucking seconds. I get so upset with other people for not communicating but I might be bad at communicating myself. Sometimes I feel, though, that I'm just more self aware than others. But, however, this self awarneess doesn't serve me. I am a mess. A hot mess. I feel like my awareness makes things worse if anything because each realization that should be a grand thing just sits dull in my mind and does nothing to me. I feel like stupid and worthless sometimes. I know that sounds so extreme but it's true because I know that I'm basically giving myself brain damage, yet I do it anyways. I'd love to have a more recreational relationship with weed.
I told my partner today I have severe substance abuse issues and I guess it felt good to tell someone else, especially her, but at the same time, I don't do anything with it. I know I must sound really crazy writing this while drunk with a head injury but I swear I don't have issues with alcohol, ust weed, i ust make badchoices sometimes.
PLEASE MOMMMMM YOU GROUND ME ALL THE TIME I KNOW THAT I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONGGGGGGG
Fuck I love DICK LIPS!!!!!!! I literally feel like I was supposed to be born a man in the 1990s listening to blink 182 and hanging out with my firneds. Maybe i was even supposed to be in blink 182. FUCK. lIke i love being a woman but then the longing hits me suddenly to be a cis man in blink 182 !!! I hate the way they objectify woman and the way ive projected to make it into this deep thing but its so not deep im just like fucking crazy i guess BUT GOD THEIR GUITAR IS SO GOOD!!
god my cats are fucking crazy. I wonder if I'm looking forward to break or not truly. I guess feelings
bro i dont know what the FUCk i was saying. I think soemthing about how feelings can be complex. I tbh started texting again like i always do and now my thoughts are dumber than ever. WOE IS ME!